(in 28 days...)

so i still have no job...which sucks, but other than that my life is pretty much amazing...

God has blessed me with so much that was not expected (which is usually how it goes when he blesses anyone) and i am so thankful to him for it; for my amazing church family at EPIC in hanford, for blessing me with being able to serve him there on the worship team, and especially for my amazing boyfriend...here are some recent pictures from our church's christmas party...

me looking smug for some reason...

surprised by the camera!!!

we looked extra-hot that night...

i love this man so much...

(so this is the new year, and i don't feel any different)

(well, actually, i do)

i feel alot different...

i have been through so much in this last year that it would take me probably an entire year to write it all out here, because of course i couldn't just tell you about things; i'd have to explain how i felt, how others felt, and how i was affected later on, etc...

so i'm really thinking that this new year is going to be a big one for me...honestly, i have no idea why.

of late i have been feeling that everything else around me is going in fast motion and i am having a hell of a time trying to catch up...

sure, i'm finally on the way to becoming 'independent', or something like that...i have a great job, a really awesome band that is definitely going to go places, and i've been able to do a few things that not very many people will do in their lives (no offense to anyone at all)...

but certain things just aren't what they used to be...my friends, for instance, are completely different people than who i was friends with even two years ago...and this has a two-fold meaning in that the people i have been friends with for the past two years or so have changed in and of themselves (and the change is very different from my personal change, and the two changes are leading in the opposite direction, i fear), and i now have new friends that i did not expect to have...

i feel that i am grasping for things that are just out of my reach...i know that God's timing is ultimately perfect; i have seen him work in just that way in my life hundreds of times...i don't think i'm complaining or being selfish here, but when is it my turn?

i feel as though i have been waiting for a very long time...i am 23 years old, and i honestly thought i would be much farther along in life than where i am now...i know that choices affect what i do, and where i go in life, and i know that i am not ready for certain things in life, but seriously...

last night was kind of a reassurance that things are good, but changing...i went by myself to orange county to see some friends from that area play a show...they didn't know i was coming down there and they were very surprised, but really happy to see me...it was nice to know that they were genuinely happy to see me (thanks to chris for dedicating that song to me! ) and it is nice to know that i have true friends in those people...

but it also shed some light on the fact that i am changing as an individual...last year i would have never driven spur-of-the-moment down to orange county (AT NIGHT, NO LESS!) to see a show, or anything, for that matter...i would have either talked someone into going with me or would have not gone at all...(especially since one of the people i went to see is an incredibly nice-looking boy with an amazing voice and amazing music...last year i would have been way too nervous to go!)

so yeah...i guess i am just a little frustrated with my life right now...i'm not unhappy by any means, but i am a bit unsettled...

p.s. it's really difficult to type with acrylic fingernails...